Seven Pirates H is a remaster of the game that was originally developed for PS Vita and wasn’t released outside of Japan. It was developed by Felistella and Idea Factory, and was published by Compile Hearts and EastAsiaSoft for Nintendo Switch in May 2022.
*Disclaimer: A code was provided to me by the publisher for the purpose of this review. That does not affect it as my thoughts are mine and mine alone.
Parute is a pirate that has made her way to the Monsupi Sea, the infamous sea filled with monster girls everywhere, to try to find the infamous treasure that is said to be hidden there. Luckily for her, a compass fell out of the sky and landed on her head, and it shows the way to all the treasures! On her way she finds a monster boy, who calls himself Orton. Unfortunately he is a nasty pervert who’s always saying the wrong thing. But he has a secret power that will help Parute in her journey! Little does she know, she won’t be happy about the power.
As you travel around the Monsupi Sea, you find yourself going into dungeons and meeting monster girls. These usually end up resulting in fights because you tell them that you want their treasure. After you beat them, you end up recruiting them, just because you need a pirate crew and because why not. The basic story itself wasn’t anything too amazing, but the perverted humor is what kept me laughing through the journey. Otton is really the punching bag of the group, but it was hard not to love all of the characters as they’re all awesome in their own ways.
The story honestly got bogged down a bit in the final act. It was slow, a bit boring as you were figuring out some “shocking” revelations, and nothing really hit hard. That coupled along with going through all the dungeons again, made it very monotonous. Heck even the ending itself was just sort of okay.
The game at its core is a turn-based RPG. You pick your party of four characters that go into battle out of the seven, and defeat enemies. Honestly the battle system was very barebones. I didn’t really have to think about anything and most of the time I just sat there mashing the A button as I watched TV. During the boss fights I had to pay attention a little, as I had to make sure to heal and everything. The game has some elemental systems in it, except it calls them “pheromones”. There’s three of them which I equated to just water, grass, and fire. This helped me differentiate what was weak to what.
Most RPGs also have MP systems. This is sort of here. When you attack enemies or get damaged, you get MP for your characters. When they get past 100, they get some stat boosts. When they get to 200, they get aroused, and get the change to use their special ability that takes 200 MP. Unfortunately if you don’t use it, you lose the chance, as the character loses all their MP the next turn. So if you need to heal instead of do damage, you can’t use your super ability. It was kind of a terrible system in that way.
When you beat enemies in battle, you don’t get normal EXP and level up as in traditional RPGs. Instead you get training potions after you get enough “EXP”. You then use these training potions to enhance the girls breasts. You get to enhance many aspects of them. Height, cleavage, size. You get bonuses depending on how you make the ladies breasts in certain aspects. But I just ended up making out everything and not caring about special bonuses. Upgrading is all done with special movements as well. So tap the breasts to make them softer, or pull them apart for more cleavage and so on. It was funny and perverted and definitely very very strange.
There are a ton of quests to do throughout your journey. Unfortunately they only require you to do one of two things. Kill enemies, or get materials from the dungeon you just finished clearing. When you cleared the dungeons you’d also get more info on finding little helpers called “Booby Kin” or new equipment. These helpers would unlock more stuff to buy in the shops, or more things to craft. But the equipment is limited in all honesty. All you equip the characters with are bras and panties. The bras usually gave an ability I never used, and the panties are what give you stat boosts, that never really mattered. I never changed my equipment until near the end and I never had any troubles.
What never made sense to me were the boss battles. Only for one simple reason. There’s a mechanic in the game called the “Otton Charge”. This is an ability that you use to dispatch some bosses, but not all bosses. Some bosses you could just defeat normally, and you’d win when all their HP was gone. But others, they’d be put in a state that they can’t attack, and you’d charge this ability by rubbing the characters cheats for five seconds before your turn was over, and you could try with the next character. This mechanic was only used a few times, which made me wonder, why add it at all? But at least the animation was fun.
- Funny Writing
- Silly Level Up Mechanic
- Lovable Character
- Boring Story
- Barebones Combat
- Dull Side Quests
Seven Pirates H is definitely not a game you play if you want a deep story. But it was filled with a lot of laughs and fan service to anyone who loves ecchi media. I loved the dialogue in the game, but I do wish it did everything else better. But there’s still some enjoyment in there to make it a worthwhile purchase!