Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse Trophy Walkthrough

Trophy Roadmap

Difficulty: 2.5/10
Estimated time to Platinum: 3 – 5 hours
Trophies: 56. 1 / 2 / 5 / 48
Missable trophies: 0, with the walkthrough (Otherwise, several)
Glitched trophies: None
Difficulty related: None
Playthrough: Two

Introduction

Welcome to the Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse trophy walkthrough!
Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse is the first in a planned trilogy of point and click adventure games inspired by the long-running webcomic Cyanide & Happiness. You play as Coop McCarthy, a perennial loser of a high school student, who just wants to find a date for the prom. Episode 1 covers two incredibly busy – and bizarre – days of his life.

Video guides of this walkthrough are fine as long as I am credited in the video and the guide linked!

Tips and Strategies

Click = the “pick up” option (this is the kind of catch-all picture, for things like “use” and “open” and “move”, etc etc)

The correct hotspots tend to be in the bottom left corner of the item.  You’ll get a feel for it while playing through.

This is a TWO PLAYTHROUGH PLATINUM. The first playthrough will earn you the majority of the trophies. The second playthrough is a speedrun that needs to be done in one sitting WITHOUT PAUSING, in under 30 minutes.

A full written text walkthrough is provided below, and if you enjoy my work, please consider donating to my Ko-fi.

Text Walkthrough

Hallway
Read tutorial instructions to learn the controls
Walk left until you meet a bully
Brain the locker above his head (it will be outlined)
Continue left
Use finger trap (inventory – ) with bullies
Exit left to gym

Gym
Brain the diploma in the fire on the right

Murphy’s Class
Participation Award unlocked when you regain control
Exit to Hallway, then right and into the red door

Faculty Office
Talk to the cactus (1/GOTEM)
Talk to the middle ceiling light (2/GOTEM)
Enter Principal’s Office

Principal’s Office
The long version, I guess
Pick up whiteout (on left)
Use whiteout with permanent record –  Not So Permanent After All unlocked
Click the filing cabinet and click through all the records – you can just keep spamming – Perma Peeper unlocked
Click the trash bin in the bottom right (1/RUNWAY) (graduation cap)
Exit to Hallway

Hallway
After conversation, go right up the stairs
Click trash can – get plastic baggie
Go left and enter Room 101

Murphy’s Class
Hurt Me More! unlocked
Talk to Mr. Murphy
Will you go to prom with me? (1/PROM), then exit
Pick up pencil
Exit to Hallway, then exit to Room 103

History Class
Talk to trash can by door (3/GOTEM)
Talk to bookshelf in back left corner (4/GOTEM)
Pick up rotten apple (on top of bookshelf)
Exit to Hallway, then straight down to Science Class

Science Class
Talk to Clinton (red shirt) (2/RUNWAY) (tinfoil hat)
Talk to box of vials on right (5/GOTEM)
Click cabinet door under microscope on right (3/RUNWAY) (dead frog hat)
Pick up bag of sugar (yellow square)
Exit to Hallway, and enter the girl’s bathroom

Girl’s Bathroom
Pick up yeast (trash can)
Talk to Crystal
Will you go to prom with me? (2/PROM), then exit
Exit to Hallway, then enter boy’s bathroom

Boy’s Bathroom
Talk to empty urinal x2 (6/GOTEM)
Click tin of hair gel (4/RUNWAY) (pompadour)
Talk to the cool boys x2 (you should have all the ingredients you need) – get hall pass –  Hoochaholic unlocked
Exit to Hallway

Hallway
Use hall pass with Holly
Cutscene with Sawyer – get USB drive
Click the locker directly above your head (5/RUNWAY) (novelty arrow)
Walk all the way right and exit outside

Outside
Walk right
Talk to Warren (hippie)
Will you go to prom with me? (3/PROM), then exit
Walk left
Talk to drug dealer
Will you go to prom with me? (4/PROM), then exit
Go back inside

Hallway
Talk to Mark (black shirt)
Will you go to prom with me? (5/PROM)
So, where exactly in the school would one “score” the good sniff markers?, then exit
Go right and exit outside

Outside
Talk to drug dealer – you will get a sidequest
Go back inside, then immediately exit down (not down the stairs)

Kickstarter Hallways
You are in blue locker hallway
Open every locker on this screen (just keep clicking the right arrow)
Enter the door on the right
Talk to the cork board on the right wall (7/GOTEM)
Exit down to green locker hallway
On the top row of the group of lockers closest to the door is a locker with no number. Talk to it (Ted)
Will you go to prom with me? (6/PROM), then exit (this is also (1/2) for another trophy)
Open every locker on this screen (just keep clicking the right arrow) –  Locker Stalker unlocked
Exit left

Lower Hallway
Talk to Artiste
Will you go to prom with me? (7/PROM), then exit
Enter shop class

Shop Class
Click safety goggles on wall next to door (6/RUNWAY) (safety goggles)
Talk to blowtorch on table at bottom of screen (8/GOTEM)
Pick up box cutter (next to blowtorch)
Exit to Lower Hallway, then directly down to Art

Art Class
Click the open kiln (7/RUNWAY) (beret)
Exit to Lower Hallway, go left, and enter the Nurse’s Office

Nurse’s Office
Talk to Nurse
…down there… – get scar cream
Talk to Nurse
Will you go to prom with me? (8/PROM)
Click cabinet doors behind Nurse (8-9/RUNWAY) (nurse hat) (sexy nurse shirt)
Exit to Lower Hallway, then directly down to Faculty Lounge

Teacher’s Lounge
Talk to Ms Puffs
Will you go to prom with me? (9/PROM), then exit
Talk to Ed
Will you go to prom with me? (10/PROM), then exit
Click the fridge
Pick up the label from the light brown lunch bag
Exit to Lower Hallway, then exit left to Hallway
Walk left just past the kid looking at the books, then exit down to Library

Library
Walk right, past a guy in a gray hoodie
The right-most shelf is “semi fiction”
Look at the top row of green books until the titles start repeating (the eye icon will gray out when they start repeating)
Look at the top row of fiction books (the shelf to the left) until the titles start repeating
Walk left and stand behind the guy in the gray hoodie; the shelf to your left is the non-fiction shelf
Look at the bottom row of books until the titles start repeating –  Judge A Book By Its Cover unlocked
Talk to books on non fiction shelf (9/GOTEM) (“you suck!”)
Talk to “non fiction” sign left of hoodie guy (10/GOTEM) (“non-enjoyable”)
Talk to guy in gray hoodie (10/RUNWAY) (boob dood shirt)
Click magazines (“the birds and the bees”) on table at bottom of screen (11/RUNWAY) (Winston shirt)
Click white computer (12/RUNWAY) (VR headset)
Exit left to Hallway, walk right, and enter red door to Front Office

Front Office
SAVE THE GAME. From the pause menu, go to “GAME” then “Save Game”.
Talk to Starsky and Hutch
You guys should honestly just get over it –  Distraction With Action unlocked
Close out of the game (or “exit to main menu” – “just quit”, but closing out is safer), then reload your save
Talk to Starsky and Hutch
Will you both go to prom with me? (11/PROM)
You obviously hate each other. Why do you even hang out? –  Distraction With Attraction unlocked
Use the Patty label with Patty –  Pummeling Puffs unlocked
Use USB stick with zerox machine x3
Pick up the fliers
Exit to Hallway

Hallway
Use flier with announcement board just to the right
Exit outside

Outside
Use scar cream with drug dealer – get marker –  Scarred For Life unlocked
This is also (13/RUNWAY) (weed shirt)
Exit inside

Hallway
Use marker with Mark –  Huff the Magic Dragon unlocked
This is also (14/RUNWAY) (face drawing)
Go all the way left and down the stairs

Boiler Room
Talk to the rag on the floor in front of the door (11/GOTEM)
Pick up the Freddy Krueger glove next to the tools (15-16/RUNWAY) (Fred’s hat) (Fred’s threads) –  Every Town Has An Elm Street unlocked
Pick up the janitor’s keys (just under the tools)
Exit left to Hallway, then left into Gym

Gym
Walk to the left half of the gym
Talk to the bleachers at the bottom of the screen (12/GOTEM)
Talk to Netherton Narwhals banner (13/GOTEM)
Click the blue box (17-18/RUNWAY) (hockey mask) (bloody shirt)
Click the long-haired boy playing dodgeball (19/RUNWAY) (beat-up face)
Walk all the way right
Use box cutter with hanging rope –  Rope-A-Dope unlocked
Pick up rope
Exit right into Boy’s Locker Room

Boy’s Locker Room
Walk right
Talk to Hayden (shower)
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (12/PROM)
Talk to Tanner
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (13/PROM)
Talk to Winston
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (14/PROM) (you will need to talk to him 4-5x before this question is automatically asked)
Exit to Gym, then left and down to Hallway

Hallway
Walk right to the brown janitor’s door
Use janitor’s keys with door, then enter

Janitor’s Closet
Pick up pulley (in front of fire extinguisher)
In inventory, combine rope and pulley
Exit to Hallway, then exit straight down to Lower Hallway

Lower Hallway
Use flier with “ART!” board
Walk right and enter Shop

Shop Class
Walk right
Talk to Max (green shirt)
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (15/PROM)
Click the circular sawblade on the table behind Max (20/RUNWAY) (gaping wound)
Use rope and pully with chain above blackboard
Click the lever on the right wall
Pick up book
Exit to Lower Hallway
Exit down the large opening across from the double doors, then exit right into Cafeteria

Cafeteria
Use flier with announcement board on left wall
Talk to janitor
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (16/PROM)
Go up and talk to Bessie (lunch lady)
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (17/PROM)
Exit through door right of lunch lady area

Kitchen
Pick up the quarter (on the window ledge)
Walk right and click the red pot next to Luigi (21-22/RUNWAY) (food fight head) (food fight shirt)
Talk to Luigi
Will you go to prom with me?, then exit (18/PROM)
Exit to Cafeteria

Cafeteria
Walk right to vending machines
Talk to Vince (red shirt)
Will you go to prom with me? (19/PROM)
Grab some chips. Chips are good.
They have anchovy chips.
Use quarter with Vince – get anchovy chips
Walk all the way right
Talk to Jake (the sick guy)
You didn’t notice a note in your lunch, did you?
You don’t look so good. Maybe I should get the nurse, then exit
Use anchovy chips with Jake
Pick up unsigned love letter
Use unsigned love letter with Jake – get signed love letter
Exit bottom left corner to Hallway

Hallway
Go right to Sawyer
Talk to Sawyer –  Guerilla Marketer unlocked
Talk to the kissing couple
You know…this is actually starting to turn me on
Use pencil with Coop’s locker – get permission slip –  Locker Blocker unlocked
Walk left and enter the girl’s bathroom

Girl’s Bathroom
Use signed love letter with Crystal – Third Wheel unlocked
This is also (23-24/RUNWAY) (body towel) (towel hat)
Open the costume option in your journal. Put on the body towel and the towel hat.
Exit to Hallway, then left to Gym, then left to Girl’s Locker Room

Girl’s Locker Room
Creepy Peepy Boy unlocked
Talk to Nora (25/RUNWAY) (narwhal jersey)
Walk left
Talk to person in shower – Coming Clean unlocked
Just exit the conversation (26/RUNWAY) (sudsy boy)
Exit to Gym, then Hallway, then Library (directly below Room 101)

Library
Talk to librarian
Use book with librarian – get pizza coupon –  About Damn Time unlocked
Exit left to Hallway, then right to Outside, then right

Knothole Street
Walk right until you reach the man standing under the gas station sign
Talk to the man (Jimmy)
How can I help? – get $1.14
Go up to the Circle J
Before entering, click the dumpster (27/RUNWAY) (slurper)
Before entering, click the purple magazine by the trash bags – get braille magazine

Circle J
Pick up a slurper cup
Use slurper cup with machine – get full cup
Talk to the cup lids – the hotspot is actually below and left of the lids (14/GOTEM)
Talk to the cabinet doors under the slurper machine – you will need to do this 2 or 3 times (15/GOTEM)
Talk to magazine rack (not the actual magazines) (16/GOTEM)
Pick up box of Midas condoms (on the left stand, near the bottom; yellow box)
Combine condoms and slurper cup
Talk to cashier (Curt)
Will you go to prom with me? (20/PROM)
Why are you dressed as a fox? (28/RUNWAY) (furry ears)
Use slurper cup/condoms with Curt
Click the sign right of pink box on the counter (17/GOTEM)
Click the energy drinks (18/GOTEM)
Exit down to Knothole Street

Knothole Street
Give the slurper/condoms to Jimmy –  Don’t Slurp That unlocked
He will also give you (29/RUNWAY) (condom hat)
Exit down to Gas Station

Gas Station
Click the wrenches (30-31/RUNWAY) (tool belt) (oily face)
Talk to the wrenches (19/GOTEM)
Talk to pile of tires (20/GOTEM)
Walk left and talk to leaf blowers (21/GOTEM)
Exit up to Knothole Street

Knothole Street
Walk right until you reach a gray house with a shark man outside
Walk up to the house

Shark Dad’s House
Talk to Shark Dad
Will you go to prom with me? (21/PROM)
Out of curiosity…where are you from? –  Get to Know Shark Dad unlocked
Well, I gotta get going.
Click Shark Dad (32-33/RUNWAY) (shark rad shirt) (shark rad hat)
Talk to the garden hose (22/GOTEM)
Exit right to White Sands Road

White Sands Road
Talk to the crosswalk at the bottom of the hill (23/GOTEM)
Exit up to Trinity Boulevard

Trinity Boulevard
Go all the way right to the bank
Talk to the blind man (Stevie Shades)
Is there anything I can do to help?
Okay, see you later.
Give magazine to Stevie –  Blue Brailles unlocked
You will automatically pick up a stamp
Click the bank (34-35/RUNWAY) (robber mask) (robber shirt)
Click mailbox (36-37/RUNWAY) (paper cut face) (paper cut body)
Talk to ice cream man until you get (38/RUNWAY) (ice cream) (5-6 times)
Continue to talk to ice cream man until you unlock  Chill Out
Walk left until you’re at the T-intersection
Click the trash can (39/RUNWAY) (sad clown onesie)
Walk left and talk to Lemon Abe at the lemonade stand
Will you go to prom with me? (22/PROM)
One glass please!
Ooh, I’m in! – get pre-order receipt – Your Lemons Suck unlocked
Enter Rod’s Thick Pizza

Rod’s Thick Pizza
Look at Rod (40/RUNWAY) (chest hair)
Talk to Rod
As luck would have it, I actually have a coupon for a free pizza – get cheese pizza –  Ready For Rod unlocked
Exit to Trinity Boulevard

Trinity Boulevard
Talk to fire hydrant (24/GOTEM)
Talk to Chickenman
So, what’s a fella gotta do to score a costume like that?
Sure, I can swing that! – get chicken dinner and credit card receipt
Enter Le Telepathe

Le Telepathe
Talk to the mad blonde woman (Beverly)
Will you go to prom with me? (23/PROM)
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you
Pick up the crumpled paper by the door – get Le Telepathe order
Use Le Telepathe order with order wheel (window next to the door)
Exit to Trinity Boulevard

Trinity Boulevard
Talk to Janitor –  Marriage Counselor unlocked
You will also receive (41-42/RUNWAY) (dirty Coop) (dirty Coop hat)
Walk right to the intersection, exit down to White Sands Road, then left to Knothole Street

Knothole Street
Walk left until you see a pink house with someone sitting on the porch, then walk up to the house
Pick up the strip of flypaper
Talk to Mr Anthrope
Uh, the egg, right?
Um, maybe God
I think God created God
Look, I don’t pretend to comprehend…
Who knows… – get signed credit card receipt –  Chick’n Coop unlocked
Exit down to Knothole Street, then go right and enter Coop’s House (yellow, flamingos, a few kids standing outside of it)

Coop’s House 2F
You will automatically obtain empty pizza box
You will regain control in Coop’s room
Click Psionic Psteve poster (43-44/RUNWAY) (psionic hat) (psionic shirt)
Click lower dresser drawer (45/RUNWAY) (wow shirt)
Talk to the shoe box on Coop’s desk (25/GOTEM)
Pick up red pen from desk
Exit to hallway, then enter the middle door (bathroom)
Click the laundry basket (46/RUNWAY)
Click shower curtain (47/RUNWAY) (naked Coop)

Go into the pause menu and click the shirt arrows until you’re dressed as naked Coop (naked chest with a black bar between his legs). Wear this costume for the next ten minutes without changing it to unlock Freaky Flasher. I also made sure there were no markings on the face, just in case. It doesn’t matter what hat you’re wearing.

Exit to hallway, then enter the right door (Grandma’s room)
Click the basket of yarn (48/RUNWAY) (ugly knit hat)
Talk to the ottoman next to the window (26/GOTEM)
Pick up grandma’s cane
Exit to hallway
Exit downstairs

Coop’s House 1F
Exit right x2 to Garage
Pick up the hat hanging off of the box with the shovel and the red rake (49/RUNWAY) (hat buddy)
Walk right a bit
Against the wall is an orange water cooler. Leaning against the box it’s on is a dirty green messenger bag. Talk to this bag (27/GOTEM)
Exit left to Dining Room
Pick up matchbook from table
Exit left to Living Room
Talk to coat stand (not the thing hanging on it) (28/GOTEM)
Talk to Grandma
How can I help, Grandma?
I gotta run
Exit up to Kitchen
Click the cabinet above the toaster on the left (50/RUNWAY) (pretty apron)
Talk to the freezer (bottom part of fridge) (29/GOTEM)
Click fridge, then pick up the green thing – get fruity roll
Exit down, then upstairs to 2F

Coop’s House 2F
Go right to the third door (don’t enter)
Talk to the Jesus picture between the middle and third doors (1/3)
Use grandma’s cane with attic door above you
Exit to Attic

Coop’s House – Attic
Click the blue horse (51/RUNWAY) (baby clothes)
Click the filing cabinet (52/RUNWAY) (afro wig)
Talk to the ladder behind the filing cabinet (30/GOTEM)
Click the box on the chair just right of the filing cabinet (53/RUNWAY) (Hawaiian shirt)
In the foreground is a box of dolls, just right of a teddy bear. Talk to it (31/GOTEM)
Pick up the yellow box above that box of dolls – get fireworks
Use fruity roll with the broken wire just to the right –  Printer Pal unlocked
Exit to 2F, then 1F

Coop’s House – 1F
Talk to Grandma
How am I even supposed to reach the nest?
Exit up x2 to Backyard

Coop’s House – Backyard
Pick up oven gloves
Talk to the spigot the hose is attached to (32/GOTEM)
Use fireworks, then matches, with BBQ grill
Go up the ladder
Use oven mitts with wasp nest –  My Girl unlocked
Go downstairs and back inside

Coop’s House – 1F
Exit down
Talk to Grandma – get photos
Exit to Knothole Street, then Whitesands Road, then Trinity Boulevard

Trinity Boulevard
Make sure you’ve unlocked Freaky Flasher (S), as you’re about to change outfits.
Walk left to Chickenman
Use signed receipt with Chickenman
You will obtain (54-55/RUNWAY) (chicken hat) (chicken shirt)
Walk right
Use empty pizza box with Moe (blocking Golden Haze entrance) –  Hobo Habitat unlocked
Enter the gate

Golden Haze – Outside
Enter gate
Walk left and go behind the building
Walk left and look at the open dumpster
I gotta go, see you later, Ted –  Survivalist unlocked
Click cart of prunes to hide in it –  Operation Intrude N313 unlocked

Golden Haze – Loading Dock
You will automatically be wearing (56/RUNWAY) (prunes).
Exit up, then right
Talk to “Electric Wheelchair Storage” sign (33/GOTEM)
Talk to Jesus picture (2/3)
Click Jesus picture (57/RUNWAY) (crown of thorns)
Exit up

Hallway
Enter the middle door (Thurman – Bernie’s room)
Keep talking to Bernie until  Burned By Bernie unlocks. His responses are down to RNG so it may take a while.
Exit left x3, then right to Reception, then up to Courtyard

Courtyard
Walk right
Talk to the red tulips in the bushes above the blue wheelchair until you get (58-59/RUNWAY) (ghillie suit) (ghillie hat) –  A Bushy Tale unlocked
Talk to the circular tree with white cones on it (34/GOTEM)
Click fountain
Exit down to Reception

Reception
Click the red button (on dead guy)
Quickly exit right, then enter the left door in the new room

Nurse’s Station
Click the purse hanging on the left wall – get scathing letter
In inventory, combine scathing letter and stamp
Talk to the cork board on the back wall (35/GOTEM)
Exit right to Dining Hall

Dining Hall
Talk to Ethel
Will you go to prom with me? (24/PROM)
Okay, I’ll let you get back to your meal.
Talk to TV plug (36/GOTEM)
Walk left, then exit up to Reception

Reception
Talk to Orson (couch)
Will you go to prom with me? (25/PROM) –  Desperate Times unlocked for me here, but there’s one more person we can ask just in case.
I’d better ramble on from this rambling on
Talk to corkboard on wall (not the stuff on it) (37/GOTEM)
Exit left, then up

Commons Area
Talk to woman at table (Gertie)
What’s so bad about the Mulch Emporium?
Can I help you in some way?
Walk right and talk to Alvin (standing in front of TV)
Will you go to prom with me? (26/PROM). This is the last person you can ask to prom, so if the trophy didn’t unlock for you with Orson, it should unlock here as long as you’ve been following this walkthrough.
Welp, have fun watchin’ TV.
Exit left, then right, then down x2 to Trinity Boulevard

Trinity Boulevard
Walk right to the mailbox
Use stamped letter with mailbox
Go back into Golden Haze (via main entrance), then left, then up to Commons Area

Commons Area
Talk to Gertie –  Puny Express and  The World Can Wait unlocked
You will also get (60/RUNWAY) (smooched Coop)
Exit right to Hallway

Hallway
Enter left door
Talk to orange pill container (not the pillbox) (38/GOTEM)
Talk to Grandpa Tieguy (61/RUNWAY) (guy tie)
Talk to Grandpa Tieguy again –  Back in My Day unlocked (if it doesn’t unlock, talk to him again and it should)
Exit to Hallway, then enter right door
Talk to Jesus picture –  Lost Prophet unlocked
IF IT DOESN”T: Talk to the Jesus picture hanging on the back of the door.
IF IT STILL DOESN’T: Look at both Jesus pictures in this room and it should unlock.
Click the dresser (62/RUNWAY) (pope hat)
Talk to Magdalene
Fine, uh, I command thee to do my bidding! –  Jeremiah 29:12 unlocked
Okay, lady…you just keep praying
Exit to Hallway, then enter middle door
Talk to toilet (39/GOTEM)
Talk to bed (40/GOTEM) – Gotta Got ‘Em All unlocked
Click box in the back right corner of the room (63-64/RUNWAY) (old Coop) (liver spots) –  Project Runway unlocked
Use envelope of photos with Bernie –  Send Nudes unlocked
Exit left x2 to Commons Area

Commons Area

MAKE A MANUAL SAVE (just in case). This is the point of no return, and you’ll want this to go back to in case you’ve missed one of the many, many trophies I’ve already outlined in this walkthrough.

If you look in the journal, the only trophies you should have unearned are:

A Long Road Ahead
Blue Shirted Eye Grabber
Die of Boredom
((Distraction With Action)) – we unlocked this, but did a save reload, remember?
Eye For Detail
Juvenile Delinquent
Look Ma, I Can Fly!
Mission Impassable
Permission Mission
Speed Demon
The Most Beautiful Thing I’ve Ever Seen

Click the sleeping man in the chair
Yes –  Juvenile Delinquent unlocked

Coop’s House – 2F
You are in Coop’s room
You automatically obtain walkie talkie
Exit to hallway, then downstairs

Coop’s House – 1F
Pick up signed cheque (on the table with all the photo frames)
Exit right x2 to Garage
Walk right
Click button on table
Use signed check, pen, and permission slip with the lit up work area – get forged permission slip –  Permission Mission unlocked
Leave the garage, exit left and down to Knothole Street, then left and down to the Gas Station

Gas Station
Look at the plastic bag –  The Most Beautiful Thing I’ve Ever Seen unlocked
Use flypaper with plastic bag – get plastic bag
Walk left
Use plastic bag with leafblowers
Yes –  Look Ma, I Can Fly! unlocked

Secret Lab
Pick up eyeball –  Blue Shirted Eye Grabber unlocked
Click the pile of books – get Bible
Pick up the erasers that were knocked down
Walk right and down some stairs
Use erasers with the archway –  Mission Impassable unlocked
Pass through the door when there’s an opening in the lasers
Walk left
Use eyeball with scanning panel on wall –  Eye For Detail and  A Long Road Ahead unlocked
If you haven’t done it by now, put down the controller and wait for 20-30 minutes, so you can unlock  Die of Boredom.
Exit left for the end-game cutscenes. Now you need to wait for Part 2!

SPEEDRUN

The majority of this speedrun route was mapped out by streetbackguy from Speedrun.com. I’ve made a few navigational changes and formatted it into a walkthrough.

Remember that you can move the cursor during animations where you otherwise have no control (like when you’re putting away an inventory item). Use that opportunity to set up your next actions.

Remember to skip cutscenes, and DO NOT PAUSE THE GAME! I did the speedrun three times, and the only time the trophy popped was when I didn’t pause the game/bring up the journal where you can look at the map/save the game/etc. I also did it in one sitting; I’m fairly certain that’s a requirement.

Remember that you have 30 minutes. I finished at 23 minutes, and it was not a flawless run. There’s some wiggle room.

NEW GAME

Hallway
Walk left and open the locker to take out the bad guy
Continue left and use the finger trap ( inventory) on the two bad guys
Enter the gym

Gym
Brain the diploma in the fire on the right
When you regain control, exit into the Hallway

Hallway
Go right and up the stairs
Click the trash can – get plastic bag
Go down the stairs and enter the red door

Principal’s Office
Exit up into the actual office
Pick up white out (left cabinet)
Use white out with student record (on desk)
Exit down x2 to Hallway

Hallway
Go left and enter Room 101
Pick up the pencil (teacher’s desk), then exit to Hallway
Go left and enter Room 103
Pick up rotten apple (left bookcase), then exit to Hallway
Go directly down to Science Lab
Pick up bag of sugar (top right table), then exit to Hallway
Enter right bathroom
Pick up yeast (trash can), then exit to Hallway
Enter left bathroom
Talk to cool kids x2 – get hall pass, then exit to Hallway
Use hall pass with hall monitor
Talk to Sawyer – get USB drive
:Go right and enter Principal’s Office

Principal’s Office
Talk to Starsky and Hutch
2 – You obviously hate each other. Why do you even hang out?
Use USB drive with xerox machine printer x3
Pick up fliers, then exit to Hallway

Top Hallway
Use flier with announcements board next to red door
Exit directly down from the red door

Bottom Hallway
Use flier with ART! Board
Go right to the painting student, then enter up to Shop Class
Pick up green box knife (in foreground, right of a saw), then exit left
Walk left to the next classroom, then exit directly down
Exit right to Cafeteria
Use flier with announcement board on left wall
Exit directly down (bottom left corner) to get back to the top hallway

Top Hallway
Walk left and go down the stairs just before the Gym
Pick up keys (under the hammer and pliers on the right), then exit
Go left and enter the Gym

Gym
Go right to the hanging rope
Use box cutter with rope, then pick it up
Go left and exit down to Top Hallway

Top Hallway
Go right and talk to Sawyer
Go right and use keys with janitor’s closet (just after the kissing couple, before the red door)
Pick up pulley (in front of fire extinguisher)
In inventory, combine rope and pulley, then exit
Talk to the kissing couple
3 – You know…this is actually starting to turn me on
Use pencil with Coop’s locker (bottom row) – get permission slip
Exit down to Bottom Hallway

Bottom Hallway
Go right to the painting student, then exit up to Shop Class
Go right to the teacher’s desk
Use rope/pulley with hook hanging above the desk
Click the lever just left of the chalkboard (you may be blocking it)
Pick up the book, then exit left
Go left to the next classroom (don’t enter it)
Exit down x2 to Library

Library
Go all the way left
Talk to librarian
Use book with librarian – get pizza coupon
Exit left to Top Hallway
Go right and exit outside
Go down to the street and exit right

Knothole Street
Go right until you see a pink house with a man on the porch
Approach the house
Pick up the flypaper, then go back to the street
Go all the way right and exit to White Sands Road
Exit up to Trinity Boulevard

Trinity Boulevard
Go left and enter Rod’s Pizza
Talk to Rod
4 – As luck would have it… – get cheese pizza, then exit
Go right to the intersection, then down to White Sands Road, then left to Knothole Street

Knothole Street
Walk left and approach the yellow house with the kids in front of it
Go through the dialogue
Enter the house and go through the dialogue
You will regain control in Coop’s Room

Coop’s House – 2F
Pick up red pen (on desk)
Exit the room
Exit left and go downstairs

Coop’s House – 1F
Go right into the dining room
Pick up matches (on table), then exit left to living room, then exit up to kitchen
Open fridge, then pick up green fruity roll
Exit down to living room
Talk to Grandma
4 – How can I help, Grandma?
5 – Talk to you later.
Go upstairs

Coop’s House – 2F
Go right and enter the third door (Grandma’s room)
Pick up cane (left of bed), then exit
Use cane with attic door directly above Coop’s head, then enter Attic

Coop’s House – Attic
Go right until you reach the chair just past the filing cabinet
Pick up the yellow box of fireworks
Use green fruity roll on the sparking wires just to the right
Exit left x2

Coop’s House – 1F
Talk to Grandma
4 – How am I even supposed to reach the nest?
Exit up x2 to Backyard

Coop’s House – Backyard
Pick up oven mitts
Use fireworks, then matches, with BBQ grill
Go up the ladder
Use oven mitts with wasp nest
Go back inside to the Living Room

Coop’s House – 1F
Talk to Grandma – get envelope of photos
Exit down x2 to Knothole Street

Knothole Street
Go right and exit to White Sands Road
Exit up to Trinity Boulevard, then immediately up to Golden Haze Retirement
Use empty pizza box with Moe (the guy blocking the Golden Haze gate)
Go left to the back of the building (do not enter it)
Click the prune cart to sneak inside

Golden Haze Retirement
Go up through the double doors
Exit left x3, then left/up to Reception
Exit up through the door left of the reception desk

Courtyard
Click the fountain
Exit down to Reception

Golden Haze Retirement
Exit left, then up, then right.
You are in a hallway with three doors.
Enter the middle door
Use envelope of pictures with man
Exit left x2
Click the man in the armchair – Yes

Coop’s House – 2F
You regain control in Coop’s Room
You will automatically receive walkie talkie
Exit room, then exit left to go downstairs

Coop’s House – 1F
Pick up signed check (on table with picture frames)
Exit right x2 to Garage
Go all the way right
Click blue button
Use check, permission slip, and pen with lit work area – get forged permission slip
Exit left x2, then exit down x2 to Knothole Street

Knothole Street
Walk left until you see a man standing in front of the gas station sign
Exit down to gas station
Use fly paper with plastic bag – get plastic bag
Walk left to the leaf blowers
Use plastic bag with leaf blowers – Yes

Secret Lab
Pick up eyeball (on ground just to your left)
Click books to the right – get Bible
Pick up erasers that just fell off the shelves
Walk right to the archway (do not pass through)
Use erasers with archway to reveal lasers
Walk past the lasers when they blink off
Walk all the way left
Use eyeball with scanning panel on left wall
Speed Demon & Platinum will unlock after the door has opened; if you reach the credits and the trophy hasn’t popped, then something has gone wrong.

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Trophy List

Platinum Platinum

About Damn Time Return the overdue book to the Librarian

A Bushy Tale Listen to the Bush’s tragic story

A Long Road Ahead Complete Part 1

Back In My Day Listen to all of Grandpa TieGuy’s stories

Blue Brailles Deliver porn to Stevie Shades

Blue Shirted Eye Grabber Acquire the lab technician’s eyeball

Burned By Bernie Listen to every one of Bernie’s “Prune Swirl” insults

Chick’n Coop Get credit card signature from Mothercluck’n Chick’n customer

Chill Out Learn about 10 different ice cream flavors from Dr. Scoops

Creepy Peepy Boy Gain access to the girl’s locker room.

Desperate Times Ask every person you possibly can out to prom

Die Of Boredom Stand in one location without moving for 30 minutes

Distraction With Action Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch get into a fight

Distraction With Attraction Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch fall in love

Don’t Slurp That Give a condom to a boy in need

Every Town Has An Elm Street Find a nightmarish costume

Eye For Detail Use the retinal scanner in the Secret Lab

Get To Know Shark Dad Have a conversation with Shark Dad.

Gotta Got ‘Em All Insult every object you can with your “Got ’ems”

Guerilla Marketer Post all three of Sawyer’s flyers

Hobo Habitat Give Hobo Moe a new home

Hoochaholic Deliver all the supplies for making fine toilet wine

Huff The Magic Dragon Give Mark Hufferman a new marker

Hurt Me More! Catch Mr. Murphy in his S&M outfit

Jeremiah 29:12 Convince someone that you’re God

Judge A Book By Its Cover Learn about 30 different library book titles

Juvenile Delinquent Get arrested

Locker Blocker Get access to your locker

Locker Stalker Open every Kickstarter Backer locker in the school

Look Ma, I Can Fly! Perform an aerial escape to avoid the bullies

Lost Prophet Find every Jesus

Marriage Counselor Help the Janitor by ruining Beverly’s date

Mission Impassable Reveal hidden lasers in the Secret Lab

Mission Permission Forge a signature on the permission slip

My Girl Get rid of the wasp nest

Not So Permanent After All Alter your permanent record

Operation Intrude N313 Sneak into Golden Haze

Participation Award Here you go! You deserve it! Everyone deserves it!

Printer Pal Fix Grandma’s printer

Project Runway Collect every costume

Pummeling Puffs Trick Patty into believing Ms. Puffs stole her lunch, then witness the beatdown

Puny Express Mail out Gertie’s scathing letter

Ready For Rod Get a free pizza from Rod’s Thick Pizza

Rope-A-Dope Retrieve the rope in the school gymnasium

Scarred For Life Give Drug Dealer some scar cream

Send Nudes Deliver Grandma’s racy photos to Bernie

Speed Demon Complete Part 1 in less than 30 minutes without saving

Survivalist Find both Ted Bear locations in Part 1

The Most Beautiful Thing I’ve Ever Seen Stare at a bag blowing in the wind

The World Can Wait Complete all optional sidequests

Third Wheel Return the signed prom letter to Crystal

Your Lemons Suck Get a pre-order for Lemon Abe’s Lemon-Flavored “Lemon” Type Drink

Perma Peeper Look at every Permanent Record in the Principal’s Office

Freaky Flasher Remain completely nude for at least 10 minutes.

Coming Clean Find Señor Cleanfist.